These are scenes from the February 7, 1995 production draft of the script for the episode The Weaker Sex written by Dawn Prestwich and Nicole Yorkin. These scenes did not make it into the final episode due to time and story considerations.
One minor missing line from the teaser seems to allude that Quinn leaned more towards the Democratic side of the political spectrum...
WADE
You mean...President Clinton?
BERNIE
Of course I mean Clinton. Who
else?
Wade and Rembrandt hug in joy - Quinn and Arturo grin happily, slapping each other on the back.
BERNIE
I feel kinda sorry for The
President. When the spouse gets
too involved, the Prez always gets
burned. I just wish the better
half would keep that big mouth
*shut*, before the Republicans take
over for good!
QUINN
(another good sign)
You got that right.
And then the Sliders watch as President Hillary Clinton steps up to the podium...
And the beginning of Act One has many differences...many scenes and events happened in a different order in this first version of the script...
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
EXT. FRANKLIN STREET - AFTERNOON
The Sliders head down the street. It looks like you average business day in San Francisco. Perhaps a few more women in business suits than normal, but nothing strikingly different.
ARTURO
Unfathomable. Hillary Clinton,
President of the United States?
What's next - Marla Maples,
Secretary of State?
WADE
What's so wrong with Hillary?
Who's to say we didn't choose the
wrong Clinton on our world?
REMBRANDT
She may have a point.
ARTURO
Utter nonsense.
WADE
It's not nonsense! Women can run
things just fine - remember
Margaret Thatcher? Indira Ghandi?
Bella Abzug?
ARTURO
A hit, a miss, and a mess. Doesn't
prove a thing.
(Wade is stewing)
Don't get me wrong, Miss Welles -
some women are fully equal of
men.
(pregnant pause)
I just haven't met one yet.
Arturo winks at the men - clearly he is pulling Wade's chain - but she is infuriated by his underlying chauvinism, and punches his arm to accentuate the point.
ARTURO
(wincing)
Ow! That is getting to be a very
nasty habit, Miss Welles - this
punching thing!
QUINN
Okay, break it up, you two. We've
got more important things to worry
about here -- like finding a job so
we can eat again.
ARTURO
Perhaps some form of employment
would be in order. Let's check the
classifieds --
A HORN HONKS - A TESTARROSA
pulls up alongside them, driven by a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN in a black Armani suit and trenchcoat. The Sliders look over.
THE BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
smiles and waves.
ALL THE MALE SLIDERS SMILE AND WAVE BACK.
Arturo elbows around the other Sliders, stepping forward suavely.
ARTURO
May I be of assistance, my dear?
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
Not you. Him.
She indicates Rembrandt.
ARTURO
(miffed)
Him?
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
(to Rembrandt)
Haven't I seen you somewhere
before?
REMBRANDT
(stepping forward)
Well, if you happen to be a
connoissuer of fine music, I'm sure
you have.
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
If you're not doing anything right
now, sweet thing, I'd love to buy
you lunch.
Rembrandt looks guiltily over his shoulder at the
SLIDERS
standing on the curb, waiting for him.
REMBRANDT
Well... I'd love to... but...
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
(sexy smile)
Don't tell me you're gonna break my
heart?
REMBRANDT
It's just that... we're new in
town, and we're kinda desperate for
a job.
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
Maybe I can help.
(to the others)
Know anything about computers?
Quinn and Wade exchange ironic looks, and nod. The beautiful woman pulls out a business card and scribbles an address on the back.
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
My dear friend Anita Ross -- I'm
sure you've heard of her --
(they nod, lying)
has a few openings in her office.
(hands card to Wade)
Tell them Serena Braxton sent you,
and they'll treat you right.
REMBRANDT
(smitten)
That's mighty nice of you. Helping
out total strangers.
BEAUTIFUL STRANGERS/SERENA
Well, why stay strangers. Hop in.
She pats the seat next to hers. Rembrandt hesitates, feeling guilty for abandoning his friends.
QUINN
Go on. Have fun.
(indicating the card)
We know how to reach you.
Rembrandt smiles, climbs into the Testarrosa.
REMBRANDT
All right, baby. I'm all yours.
BEAUTIFUL WOMAN/SERENA
(laughing)
Not yet, but you will be.
The woman jams the car into gear and tears off down the street.
CUT TO:
EXT. SAN FRAN SKYSCRAPPER - DAY - ESTABLISHING
INT. ELEVATOR - DAY - AS THE SLIDERS STEP IN
to an empty elevator, Arturo is irritated with Wade...
ARTURO
I noticed that smirk on your face
when you thought that woman was
"checking me out".
WADE
Oh please.
The doors shut. Quinn presses the button for the 17th floor.
ARTURO
I supposed you can't imagine such a
thing. That is becuase you
underestimate the effect that
charm, intelligence and good
bearing have on a sophisticated
woman.
The elveator stops on the 3rd floor and two women step in: executive assistant LOIS, an African-American, 35, and ANITA ROSS, an attractive, statuesque woman in her late-forties.
Arturo sees an opportunity to prove his point to Wade - as Anita looks at the elevator buttons, Arturo smoothly steps in...
ARTURO
Allow me Madam. It would be my
pleasure to press your button.
ROSS
It's already pressed.
ARTURO
Ah, I see. Then you are travelling
to the seventeenth floor as well?
ROSS
You're a quick learner.
ARTURO
A woman with a sense of humor. How
delightful.
ROSS
(dry)
A man who pushes buttons. How
interesting.
The conversation continues on as we saw it...
Until we reach the results of the job interviews...and one important thing to note. In the original script, Howie was a worker on the Ross campaign...not a journalist for GQ as we saw in the final version. So, Quinn and Wade come out from the interview to find Arturo in the waiting area...
Wade is all smiles, Quinn's expression is somewhat blank...
WADE
I got the job!
ARTURO
Splendid. And you, Mr. Mallory?
QUINN
(stunned)
Uh... yeah.
ARTURO
Good work. Now, I hate to rush us
along, but --
Ross enters the room.
ROSS
(warmly, to Wade)
I understand we've arranged for an
advance, so you can find a place to
stay?
WADE
Yes, thank you. We'll be getting
rooms at the Motel 12.
ROSS
(more business-like)
Now, Quinn, the reception desk is
out front - we'll see you at eight
sharp, with a smile on your face.
If you have any questions, ask
Howie, or any of the other boys.
It's become horrifyingly clear to Arturo what's happened here.
ARTURO
(pointing to Quinn)
*He's* the new receptionist?
Wade nods, sheepishly.
QUINN
(chagrined)
They made me take a typing test.
ARTURO
(to Ross)
This is ludicrous! Do you realize
how dreadfully overqualified he is
for that position?
The office falls silent at the confrontation. Campaign workers turn and stare as Arturo heatedly addresses Ross...
ARTURO (CONT'D)
If you can not recognize which of
these two is more qualified for the
computer analyst position, then how
can you expect to run a city?
(laughing)
I pity the poor fools who voted for
you.
ROSS
(calm, measured)
Howie, call security. Have this
buffoon escorted from the premises.
WADE
(trying to keep the
peace)
It's okay, Ms. Ross. We'll take
care of it.
Wade and Quinn begin to lead Arturo out of the office.
WADE (CONT'D)
(to Ross, over her
shoulder)
Sorry... He's just a bear when he's
hungry.
Ross watches them go, infuriated. Howie watches them go, wide-eyed... and secretly excited.
INT. MOTEL 12 - NIGHT
CLOSE ON A CRACKER
As Wade neatly squirts a pile of Cheez Whiz on top, handing it to...
ARTURO
And this is where the famous line about yellow plastic comes in...
Just after devouring the cheez, there's a knock on the hotel room door...
Arturo crams [the cracker] into his mouth possessively. There's a KNOCK at the door. Wade opens it and finds
HOWIE AND TWO FRIENDS (PETE AND MIKE)
They appear nervous, anxiously looking over their shoulders.
WADE
(surprised)
Howie?
HOWIE
(a whisper)
We need to speak to Mr. Arturo.
Wade lets them in. They stand hesitantly, just inside the door.
ARTURO
(cranky)
What do you want?
HOWIE
We'd like to take you to dinner.
The Smetterling is right down the
street - they have an all you can
eat buffet.
ARTURO
(perking up)
All you can eat? Well, uh, I'm
afraid I'm financially
inconvenienced at the moment.
PETE
Don't worry, it's on us.
ARTURO
(already on the move)
I'll get my coat.
INT. SMETTERLING - NIGHT - MOVING IN ON
ARTURO
surrounded by other gentlemen, at a little table in the corner. They are in the latter stages of a huge meal, and Arturo is holding court in front of a very appreciative audience...
ARTURO
How long have you been working for
that dreadful politician?
HOWIE
Too long. Nearly ten years.
ARTURO
Why don't you leave?
HOWIE
I guess I'm afraid to. It's hard
for a man to be taken seriously in
this field - I'm not sure I'd ever
find other employment.
Arturo lights up a cigar and speaks to the fellows with a fatherly tone...
ARTURO
Listen to me, gentlemen... I'm the
first to admit that most women are
an utter delight. The source of
love, warmth and comfort. I'm also
the first to admit that we couldn't
begin to live without them. But to
give them power is to invite chaos.
One nebbish (PETE, the attractive one) timidly raises his hand.
ARTURO
(calling on him)
Yes?
PETE
But... aren't women smarter?
ARTURO
Hah! There was only one female in
my advanced quantum physics class
last semester. What does that tell
you? Gentlemen, I don't know who
put these ideas in your head, but
it's time someone straightened you
out.
Howie and the nebbishes exchange a hopeful look. Salvation is at hand.
PETE
Well... to be frank... that's why
we're here.
INT. MOTEL 12 - NIGHT
Quinn sits, shirtless, on the end of the bed, awkwardly attempting to sew a button on his shirt with a motel sewing kit. The TV is on LOW, O.S. A familiar show is running in the background... Familiar, yet unfamiliar...
EDITH BUNKER (O.S.)
Archie... Archie! I'm dying
here, Archie! Where's that beer?
ARCHIE (O.S.)
Coming Edith!
GLORIA (O.S.)
Oh, mom. Why do you always have to
talk to daddy that way?
EDITH (O.S.)
Because your father's a dingbat.
If I don't talk that way, he won't
understand me.
Quinn's seen enough. He shuts off the TV as Wade exits the bathroom, in a terrycloth robe, drying her hair.
QUINN
You know, this world is really
upside down. I'm surprised we
didn't come out in Australia.
WADE
Just because women have
opportunities here they don't have
back home --
QUINN
-- Hey, I'm not putting it down -
all the pressure's on you guys
here. I kinda like it.
Wade sits down on the bed, next to him. She takes on a softer, shyer tone...
WADE
I think it'll be fun working
together again, Quinn. Kinda
like... old times.
Quinn moves a little closer. Just as it looks like something might happen here,
THE DOOR
to the room bursts open and Arturo marches in; Wade and Quinn reluctantly separate.
QUINN
How was dinner?
ARTURO
Dinner was a veritable feast, my
boy. Succulent pork ribs, baked
beans, fresh corn --
He sees the longing expression on Quinn's face and cuts short the description...
QUINN
Don't suppose you brought us any
leftovers?
ARTURO
I'm uh, afraid I cleaned my plate.
(awkward pause)
Anyway, I have something very
important to discuss with you both.
(starts to pace)
I've come to an important
conclusion. Sliding... is more
than a physical act. It's an
opportunity!
And the conversation continues from there as we saw it in the final ep...even if the order of scenes is a bit skewed here...
And due to some of the alterations, Rembrandt finds out about Arturo's bid for a Mayor at a different part in the story...
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
INT. SERENA'S BEDROOM - MORNING - REMBRANDT
awakens alone in Serena's king-size satin-sheeted bed. He's had quite a night. A night to end all nights. He smiles just thinking about it, gets out of bed, on the way to the bathroom --
ANGLE - ARMOIRE
door ajar. He opens it --
SHELVES OF MEN'S ESSENTIALS:
Boxer shorts, still in their packages. Undershirts. Disposable razors. Rembrandt's stomach does a little back-flip.
REMBRANDT
(off the undies)
Armani?
THE PHONE
begins to RING O.S. Rembrandt doesn't know whether or not to answer it. Finally, after a few rings, he picks up.
REMBRANDT
(into phone)
Hello?... Quinn? Speak up, man.
I can't hear you.
CUT TO:
INT. ROSS CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS - MORNING
Quinn, wearing a phone headset, is seated at the reception desk. Howie is seated at a nearby desk.
QUINN
(whispering into headset)
I'm at work. I can't really talk.
How's it going?...
(a little chuckle)
Wow! Well, I'm glad someone's
having a good time. Listen...
CROSS CUT AS NECESSARY:
REMBRANDT
Mayor? Now, why would he do a fool
thing like that?
QUINN
He's trying to make a point. You
know his ego.
(Lois walks by)
I gotta go...
REMBRANDT
HOld on a second -- what if he
wins?
BACK TO:
INT. ROSS CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS - CONTINUOUS
QUINN
(into phone)
Not a chance. It's some kind of
splinter party -- last time, they
ran some women with a lot of
tatoos -- they didn't even get
2% of the vote --
(the phones are buzzing
like mad)
Hold on a second.
(pushes a button)
Ross for Mayor -- I'll connect you.
(then; back to Rembrandt)
Rembrandt -- Lemme call you later,
okay? I can't wait until we slide
out'a this place... Later.
He hangs up. Two male receptionists, KEN and GLENN, have returned from their break, taking their seats on either side of Quinn.
KEN
...And she didn't even call me.
I'll be damned if I'm gonna call
her -- I'm not gonna play those
kind of mind games.
Lois heads toward Quinn carrying a coffee pot, under. She holds it out to him.
LOIS
Coffee.
QUINN
I don't drink coffee, thanks.
Lois puts the half-empty pot on his desk.
KEN
(helpful)
She's asking you to brew some.
Lois heads back into her office. Quinn sourly picks up the pot.
KEN
Need some help?
QUINN
No. I got it.
GLENN
(conspiratorially)
Did you hear? Someone's running
against Anita.
(pausing for effect)
A man.
Ken thinks this is pretty laughable.
KEN
Pathetic.
QUINN
Why's it pathetic?
KEN
Come on. A man in political
office? Next you'll tell me men
should fly airplanes.
QUINN
Men can fly airplanes.
Unbeknownst to them, Ross starts out of her office, with a very professional-looking Wade in tow. They hear the last part of this conversation.
KEN
Too much testosterone. Look at
women - they only cycle once a
month. Men cycle every twenty
minutes. Who would put a man in
charge of anything?
Quinn's about to protest, when --
ROSS
Fellas... we have work to do.
Every call is a potential voter.
And Quinn, on your first day, I'd
expect you'd be a little more
conscientious.
This is a slap in the face to Quinn.
ROSS
(to the room)
People?... Your attention?
(then)
While I have you all here, I'd like
to introduce you to Ms. Wade
Welles. Ms. Welles will be in
charge of computer analysis...
Smattering of applause from the sisterhood. Wade basks in the glory, feels Quinn's glare.
HOWIE
blanches --
HOWIE
I don't believe it.
Quinn looks at him: "What's the problem?"
HOWIE
Excuse me, Anita. How's that going
to work exactly?
ROSS
What do you mean, Howie?
HOWIE
This makes her my superior, doesn't
it?
ROSS
That's ture.
HOWIE
And you don't think that's just *a*
tiny bit unfair? I know computers
inside and out, and this is my
third campaign with you.
LOIS
(rebuke)
Howie. Not the time!
HOWIE
No. I need to say this. You talk
about equality and everything, but
what's it you're really saying?
ROSS
Howie - you're thinking with your
ego again!
HOWIE
(thwarted into
incoherence)
Forget it...
(then)
I just think it stinks, that's all!
Ken and Glenn can't believe Howie's taken it this far. Howie is angrily sulking --
HOWIE
(over the edge)
Forget it. Okay?
(then)
I quit!
He exits, slamming the door behind him. After a beat --
ROSS
(ice-breaker)
Men. Can't live with 'em, and you
can't shoot em --
Lois chuckles at this ham-fisted witticism --
ROSS
Life goes on.
Off Quinn: stranger in a strange land.
And then the scene dissolves to Arturo's campaigning on the streets...including his exhuberant attempt to kiss the baby...
And remember the TV report that Quinn, Wade and Arturo watched from the hotel room? The original script had a bit more to that news break...
INT. MOTEL 12 ROOM - NIGHT - ON TV
A FEMALE NEWS ANCHOR
FEMALE ANCHOR
(condescending)
... and finally, tonight, under the
heading of "believe it or not,"...
Jeannie Most with the story of a
man who's running for Mayor.
ANGLE WADE, QUINN AND ARTURO
sitting on the end of the bed watching TV. Wade has a herstory (history) book in her hands. As --
ON TV - SHOPPERS
snubbing Arturo at the supermarket.
JEANNIE MOST
Maximillian Arturo came to market to
sell himself today, but no one
seemed to be buying.
ANOTHER SHOT of shoppers laughing at Arturo and his ragged band of campaigners.
JEANNIE MOST
San Francisco is known for lots of
weird happenings; from hippies to
earthquakes to trolley cars; but
nothing has so titllated the
public's fancy than the curiousity
of a man who dared to buck the
system...
Arturo snaps off the TV.
ARTURO
They used to laugh at Ronald
Reagan, too.
WADE
They still do.
The conversation continues as we saw it...with Wade quoting from the Herstory book of why this world is dominated by women...
Just before Arturo finds out that Ross agreed to a debate...there was a few bits of missing dialogue that offered more alternate history...
INT. STOREFRONT - ARTURO'S HQ - HOWIE AND PETE
huddled around the fax machine --
HOWIE
-- if half these people are voting
for the novelty factor, fine -- add
that to a hundred thousand
Limousine Liberals and
disenfranchized masculinists --
we've got a horse race.
PETE
Let me see those numbers.
Arturo enters --
HOWIE
Professor! Good news -- on several
fronts.
(then)
Best of all, Anita Ross has agreed
to the debate.
ARTURO
What?
And then as the conversation continues, we see the brick through the window...
And the beginning of Act Three? Originally, it featured Arturo talking with a familiar FBI agent about the window breaking...remember Agent Copeland? The female agent from "Summer of Love"...
ACT THREE
FADE IN:
INT. ARTURO'S CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS - DAY
A woman FBI agent, COPELAND, talks to Arturo. Two other female agents stand in the B.G.
COPELAND
What was the voice like?
ARTURO
Chilling. With just a touch of
irony.
COPELAND
Was it recognizable?
ARTURO
If it was recognizable, I woulnd't
need the FBI now, would I?
COPELAND
Isn't it possible you're being a
little oversensitive, Mr. Arturo?
ARTURO
(insulted)
About a threat on my life? Hardly.
COPELAND
Perhaps this is what happens when
men get into politics.
(closing her notebook)
Perhaps it's a valuable lesson, for
all of us.
ARTURO
Perhaps you should do your job.
Are you a Fed or a philosopher?
COPELAND
Little of both, I suppose.
(sighing)
Okay. We've got a tap on the phone
line. Let us know if anything else
unusual happens.
The agents exit, remaining largely unsympathetic. Alone for the moment, a troubled Arturo begins to pace, wondering how he got himself in this mess.
CUT TO:
CLOSE ON A TV SCREEN
A COMMERCIAL plays, featuring Arturo at his worst.
WOMAN ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Who is Max Arturo, and what do we
really know about him?
SHOTS of Arturo laughing with a group of men. Lots of back-slapping, cigar-smoking -- a devious look on the Professor's face.
WOMAN ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Can we trust this man in a position
of power?
A SHOT of Arturo scarfing a double-chesseburger, surrounded by burly construction workers.
WOMAN ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Have we forgotten the lessons of
history? Bombastic ego, loud
reckless behavior, and naked
aggression.
A MONTAGE OF CLIPS from movies showing gladiators battling each other to the death, dinosaurs clashing, two rhinos butting heads...
WOMAN ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Arturo wants to hold our future in
his hands. Can we afford to take
that chance?
SLOWLY MOVE IN on a frozen still of a seemingly predatory Arturo chasing after the frightened woman with the baby.
WOMAN ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Re-elect Anita Ross. Because the
alternative is... dangerous.
As the commercial ends, PULL BACK TO REVEAL Arturo, Howie and Pete seated around a conference table, watching the screen and munching peanut M&Ms.
ARTURO
This is outrageous!
HOWIE
True, but I think it's a very good
sign.
(off Arturo's look)
They're scared. And when they get
scared, they resort to scare
tactics.
INT. ROSS CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS - DAY
Anita Ross charges down a hallway, followed by her entourage of Quinn (taking notes), Wade, Lois, and a few OTHERS.
WADE
If the election were held today,
he'd get thirty-one percent of the
vote.
ROSS
That's a tragedy. Quinn, could you
see if my red pumps are back from
the dyer?
Wearily, Quinn makes a note. They turn a corner, heading down another hallway.
WADE
(looking at notes)
My analysis shows a combination of
factors. Primarily, we're dealing
with a strong anti-encumbancy mood,
as well as the extreme novelty of a
man running for office.
LOIS
Not to mention, voter apathy.
Everyone assumes you're going to
win, so they may not all go to the
polls. And that's dangerous.
ROSS
Hopefully we'll turn that around
with our new ad blasting that
pompous ass.
LOIS
Thanks to you, Wade. Your
knowledge of Arturo's
vulnerabilities was invaluable.
Quinn gives Wade a shocked look. Wade blushes. They come to a stop in front of the ladies room. All the women go in, except for Ross and Wade. Ross turns to Quinn.
ROSS
Quinn, why don't you pick up my
lunch, then meet us back in the
conference room by two.
She opens the door to the restroom. Quinn makes a decision.
QUINN
Sorry, Anita, but you're gonna have
to get it yourself.
(off her shocked look)
I've had it with this job.
ROSS
(not skipping a beat)
Fine. You're replaceable.
Trying not to show how irked she is, Ross heads inside. Quinn turns on Wade...
QUINN
Arturo is our friend.
WADE
(defensively)
I have a job to do. A job I
believe in.
QUINN
Well, maybe you need to get your
priorities straight.
WADE
Maybe *you* do.
INT. ARTURO'S CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS - DAY
CLOSE ON TV SCREEN
Darkness, then FADE IN on Arturo pushing some kid in a swing in SLO-MO. He's laughing, joyous.
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
A man. A dream. A vision.
And from there the scene progresses as we saw it..with Quinn coming in to see the end of Arturo's rather vague commercial...
And the Serena break up? A little different...not to mention the debate (which comes early in the script)...
INT. SERENA'S LIVING ROOM - MORNING
Serena sits at a computer terminal, talking mutual funds when Rembrandt wanders in, wearing boxers and Serena's silk robe.
SERENA
(into phone)
Yeah, the market is one way to go.
Depends on infiltration. Look, let me
think about it.
(she hangs up)
Hi, honey.
She gives Rembrandt a kiss.
REMBRANDT
The market, huh? I take a certain
interest in the market. Maybe I
can help...
SERENA
Baby, you can help by rubbing my
neck so I can think.
He sighs and starts to rub her neck.
REMBRANDT
(towards living room)
I'm going to head over to the club
early, get a feel for the room.
You show up around eight-thirty --
and how about wearing that red
dress of yours?
SERENA
Club? What club?
REMBRANDT
The Sugar Momma. Remember? Open
mike night. You're finally gonna
get a chance to hear the Cryin' Man
in person. What a treat.
SERENA
You say... that's tonight?
REMBRANDT
I told you about it a week ago.
SERENA
No can do honey - I've got a
business dinner.
REMBRANDT
Baby, you can have dinner anytime!
How often do you get to see the
Cryin' Man? *Live*.
SERENA
(cooing)
Don't get your boxers in a bunch.
If you want to sing, do it right
now. I'm all ears.
She sits back, waiting.
REMBRANDT
No, no, that's not the point. You
just don't take my career
seriously.
SERENA
Sure I do.
REMBRANDT
You're too damn busy with your own
career, and when you're here,
you're too tired to do anything.
Don't you think I have needs?
SERENA
Needs? That's all you're got is
needs! It's cramping my style.
(beat, calmer)
It's over Remmy. This just isn't
working for me any more.
OFF REMBRANDT'S STUNNED REACTION
INT. TV STUDIO MAKE-UP ROOM - NIGHT
A make-up artist applies foundation to Arturo's face as Quinn and Howie hover nearby.
QUINN
Don't let her get your goat. She
wants voters to see your
male/aggressive side.
HOWIE
And be sure to smile a lot.
REMBRANDT (O.S.)
That's right, always keep smiling,
no matter what!
ARTURO
Rembrandt! Good to see you old man
- uh, where's your girl?
REMBRANDT
Oh you know how it is. They start
to get too possessive - it's time
to move on. A man's gotta keep
moving.
QUINN
A man's gotta do what a man's gotta
do!
ARTURO
One man's pleasure is another man's
poison, eh?
The three Sliders crack and Quinn and Rembrandt high five - their cliches didn't make much sense but it was still a moment of male bonding in its best/worst form.
ARTURO (CONT'D)
Are you back to stay?
REMBRANDT
Damn right I am. If there's one
thing this world needs, it's a man
in charge.
(solemn nod)
Give her hell tonight, Professor.
ARTURO
(solemn nod)
I shall endeavor to do just that.
CUT TO:
INT. STUDIO STAGE - NIGHT
ROSS AND ARTURO
are standing at two separate podiums, debating each other on live TV.
ROSS
(to Arturo)
...If men like you start running
for and - dare I say? - holding
office, who's going to be home
guarding the castle, and fixing
things around the house? You're
threatening the social fabric of
our society!
ARTURO
Men are not the only ones who can
perform such tasks, madam. It's
time women started pulling their
weight in those areas. Now, let me
ask you a question -- if you
females are so pacifistic, why am I
getting death threats, from a
woman?
A SLOW PULL BACK TO REVEAL:
the debate is on a video monitor being watched by
QUINN AND WADE
backstage at the TV Studio.
ROSS
I don't know, Mr. Arturo. But
candidates have been known to trump
up death threats to win voter
support.
ARTURO
That is scurrious and unfounded.
ROSS
It's a question of ethics,
Professor, and I think the public
has the right to know --
ARTURO
-- Ethics! And what do you know of
ethics, Mayor Ross? Unlike you, I
don't believe in using government
employees to perform my personal
errands.
ROSS
(flustered)
I don't know what you're talking
about.
ANGLE WADE
who turns to Quinn, shocked.
WADE
(a heated whisper)
You told him that!
QUINN
(also whispering)
It's no worse than what you did.
Just balancing the scales.
The DEBATE continues in the B.G., but Wade and Quinn square off, nose-to-nose.
WADE
You know what's really bugging you,
Quinn Mallory? You hate this world
because you're undervalued and
taken for granted. Well, guess
what -- that's the world I lived in
every day.
She walks away, leaving him to consider her point.
INT. THE SMETTERLING - NIGHT
ARTURO, QUINN AND REMBRANDT
are seated at a booth by the window, surrounded by Howie and the nebbishes, all hoisting beers, looking a little soused.
ARTURO
Well, gentlemen, we're about to
make history.
They clink mugs vociferously, take swigs.
HOWIE
I never thought I'd see it in my
lifetime.
REMBRANDT
Hey, man, just one thing... what
if you win?
Arturo is thoughtful for a beat.
ARTURO
If I win, I say. After all, I
have a responsibility to these men.
He indicates the drunken nebbishes. This possibility hadn't even occurred to Quinn and Rembrandt.
Suddenly there is a loud CRACKING SOUND, and the window explodes. The men instinctively duck as a gunshot narrowly misses Arturo's head.
REMBRANDT
A drive-by shooting? I thought
they didn't have random violence in
this world!
ARTURO
It wasn't random, Mr. Brown.
(grim pause)
That bullet was meant for me.
OFF THEIR ALARMED REACTIONS, WE...
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT THREE
And Act Four? You really didn't think it would be the same after all this...did you? And get ready for a big revelation...the original idea was to reveal who was behind all the assassination attempts...and it's not who you think...
ACT FOUR
FADE IN:
INT. ANITA ROSS CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS - DAY
Anita and Lois have their noses in newspapers. Wade has more newspapers spread out on the table in front of her.
LOIS
He's up 6 more points - public
sympathy over the assassination
attempt.
ROSS
(disgusted)
Bleeding heart liberals...
(throws down her paper)
Suddenly the press loves him... I'll
bet he staged the whole thing.
WADE
The Professor would never do that!
ROSS
(skeptical)
Really? Well, he's certainly been
quick to insinuate that my people
were behind it.
WADE
(hesitant)
But you're not, right?... I mean,
you couldn't be.
ROSS
(put off by the question)
If I didn't resort to skullduggery
against more serious candidates in
the past, why would I do so to that
big ape now?
Wade, realizing she's in hot water, says nothing - returns to her newspaper.
LOIS
Well, he's a serious candidate now.
He's very skillfully managed...
(pointed, at Wade)
...It's as though he's anticipating
our every move.
Ross and Lois look at Wade, who feels accused and defensive.
WADE
Howie worked here a long time.
LOIS
But he was never privy to our
strategy.
Wade has no answer. Ross studies her, evaluating.
INT. MOTEL 12 - NIGHT
REMBRANDT
is passed out on the couch, snoring heavily.
QUINN
reads a newspaper. The door opens and Wade enters. She seems troubled and sits, deep in thought.
QUINN
(considerate)
Tough day at the office?
WADE
It's a jungle. Lois is protecting
her job by turning Anita against
me.
QUINN
Forget about it. We Slide in less
than two days - I'll be glad to put
this world behind us.
Wade reacts, annoyed.
WADE
Maybe I don't want to Slide. Maybe
I like it here.
QUINN
Sure, that's why you look so happy.
WADE
I don't expect to be happy all the
time. E have a job with a lot of
responsibility. I like that. This
is a good world for me.
QUINN
But it's not home! Wade, we need
to stick together. This has gotten
crazy - first Arturo, now you.
You're taking this place way too
seriously.
WADE
That's interesting, Quinn. It's
okay for Arturo - who doesn't know
a damn thing about managing a
city - to run for Mayor. And it's
okay for you to advise him on his
campaign. But if I want to help a
woman who's been a great mayor for
twelve years, I'm taking this place
too seriously. Typical male double
standard!
Off Quinn's stymied reaction
CUT TO:
INT. TELEVISIONS STUDIO - BACKSTAGE - DAY
Howie, Mike and Pete try to keep up with Arturo, who paces with deep agitation.
Quinn and Rembrandt are off to the side but Quin, very resolute, keeps his eye on Arturo at all times.
PETE
Don't be nervous. There's nothing
to be nervous about.
ARTURO
Other than the odd assassin at
large.
HOWIE
She'll be caught, and you have to
put that out of your mind. Your
speech is vital. We've spent every
last dime on these 5 minutes of
prime time.
ARTURO
(troubled, guilty)
Yes, yes, I know. And stop
following me around like a mother
hen! I can't think straight!
HOWIE
Okay. We'll meet you backstage.
Good luck.
He gestures to Pete and Mike. The three of them depart. Now Quinn and Rembrandt descend on Arturo...
QUINN
They don't know you're about to
sabotage yourself, do they?
(off Arturo's look)
You *are* doing the right thing.
ARTURO
But I'm abandoning them.
REMBRANDT
You've done your bit, professor.
Let them elect one of their own.
ARTURO
It could be decades before they
find another candidate with my
charisma.
QUINN
It's not worth risking your life
over!
Arturo certainly hears that... he SIGHS and nods.
REMBRANDT
How you planning on doing it? Just
gonna say, sorry to let you all
down, but I'm chickening out?
(off Arturo's glare)
Just kidding.
ARTURO
(thoughtful)
Of course I can't just come out and
quit. My boys have worked too hard
and it would give my opponent too
much satisfaction. So I've decided
to pull a Muskie.
REMBRANDT
You're going fishing at a time like
this?
ARTURO
Don't be an imbecile. I'm
referring to Edward Muskie, former
front runner for President, back
in '72. he made the mistake of
crying when someone asked a tough question
about his wife, and *bang*, he was
perceived as being weak. Dropped like
a rock in the polls.
PETE (O.S.)
One minute, Mister A.
Arturo straightens his tie and takes a deep breath.
ARTURO
I'm eight points behind - too close
for comfort with one day to go. I
need to perform a similar gaffe,
something that will shoot my
approval rating downward, making it
impossible for me to win.
REMBRANDT
Why not just moon 'em? That'd do
it for sure.
ARTURO
Thank you for that horrifying
suggestion... but I have something
a little more dignified in mind.
CUT TO ARTURO SEEN ON A TV MONITOR BACKSTAGE
he is weeping softly, dabbing his eyes with a handerchief as a horrified Howie watches alongside Quinn, Pete and Rembrandt...
ARTURO
I admit that my nerves are shot.
All the pressure of this
campaign... the expectations people
have of me... it's too much, it's
all too much.
Arturo is looking deeply into the camera now, really milking it, quivering lip and all - Quinn can barely keep from bursting out laughing.
ARTURO
I was thinking of quitting, getting
out of the race... but my shrink
advised against it... Keep going,
he said, you'll still have time to
see me five days a week. And
even *if* you win, we'll lick that
Oedipus complex yet!
(camera moving in,
concluding)
And so, dear friends, I ask for
your vote in tomorrow's election.
(quivering voice)
If I don't win... I just don't know
what will become of me.
(bows his head)
Thank you... and good night.
INT. BACKSTAGE ROOM - NIGHT
Arturo is momentarily alone with Quinn and Rembrandt.
REMBRANDT
That was quite a performance,
Professor.
ARTURO
Well, I supposed I've learned how to
cry over nothing from watching you.
REMBRANDT
(touched)
Thanks man...that means a lot.
QUINN
Uh-oh. Here come your advisors. I
don't think they're very happy.
Arturo braces himself for their criticism as Howie, Pete and Mike enter the room. A stone-faced Howie is holding date sheets they have just received by fax.
HOWIE
Insta-poll results. You've
alienated some of your mainstream
constituents, no doubt about it.
ARTURO
Well, that's it then. I'm sorry
gentlemen... I guess I lost my
head.
HOWIE
(big grin)
Sorry? You're a political genius!
You've captured an entirely new
section of the electorate!
ARTURO
What?
HOWIE
The sympathy vote! People now see
you as sensitive and needy, open
and honest - they *love* that!
You've jumped nine points in the
polls - we're in the lead!
The room erupts as the nebbishes hug the Sliders. A hapless, worried Arturo glances at Quinn and Rembrandt in stunned disbelief, knowing now that his plan has terribly backfired.
The celebration is interrupted by Agent Copeland and her two lieutenants, who enter the room with grim conviction.
Copeland moves straight to Pete, pulling out a pair of handcuffs... He offers no resistance...
AGENT COPELAND
Pete Greene, I'm placing you under
arrest.
ARTURO
sees this and reacts, indignant.
ARTURO
What do you think you're doing?
He's one of my staff!
AGENT COPELAND
He's the one who tried to kill you.
We found the gun, matched his
fingerprints.
Arturo looks to Pete, utterly stunned.
PETE
You have to believe me, Professor.
We never intended to hurt you. We
just... just wanted to scare you
out of the race.
ARTURO
Buy *why*? You were one of the
people who talked me into it!
PETE
As a statement of protest. That's
all it was meant to be.
(hanging his head)
Once we saw you had a chance to
win... we knew we had to try and
stop you.
HOWIE
Who's "we"?
AGENT COPELAND
His wife. She's the one who placed
the threatening call.
PETE
(agitated, emotional)
We did it for our son!
(to Arturo)
If you win, more men may eventually
come to power! And then it's only
a matter of time before warfare
resumes. My son and boys like him
will have to fight those wars...
AND I WON'T HAVE THAT BLOOD ON MY
HANDS!!!
Pete is out of control now, struggling to free himself and looking at Arturo with murderous eyes.
AGENT COPELAND
Take him away.
Pete is led from the room by the other agents.
PETE (O.S.)
Vote for Ross! Vote for Ross, it's
our only hope!
The room falls still, Arturo is doubly troubled...
ARTURO
He may be right, you know.
AGENT COPELAND
Ah, he's a wacko, don't let it get
you down.
HOWIE
Shake it off, Mr. A. We made great
strides tonight.
Arturo is crestfallen to hear it. Copeland is looking at him with newfound interest and respect...
AGENT COPELAND
I know I'm gonna vote for you.
ARTURO
You are?
AGENT COPELAND
(gentle, profound)
Uh-huh. That Oedipus thing really
touched me.
Arturo looks at the Sliders and GROANS as we DISSOLVE TO:
Arturo's headquarters as we wait for the election results...just as we saw.
And the ending? Well, just take a look...
HOWIE
Based on exit polls, CNN just
called it -- for Ross.
WADE
(triumphantly)
Ha-hah!
HOWIE
I'm sorry, Mr. A., but at least we
gave it the good fight.
ARTURO
As someone once said, "What is
defeat? Nothing but education,
nothing but the first step towards
something better."
Howie nods, hugs Arturo - who awkwardly endures the gesture.
HOWIE
I'll go write a dignified
concession speech for you.
He exits.
QUINN
Ten seconds.
Arturo heads across the room, rummages through the desk frantically.
QUINN
(urgently)
Professor!
THE GATE OPENS
right there in the middle of the room. Arturo finds what he was looking for -- an ARTURO FOR MAYOR campaign button. He pins it on his lapel.
ARTURO
Let's go.
They slide. Wade goes first, followed by Rembrandt, Quinn, and finally... Arturo. The gate closes.
Seconds later, Howie burst back in - suddenly ebullient!
HOWIE
Professor, Professor, Fox and ABC
have just declared you the winner!
We won, we won!!
(pause, looking around)
Professor?
FADE TO BLACK:
FADE IN ON:
a CLOSE-UP of a somber, thoughtful Arturo...
ARTURO
You know, I've learned alot over
the past few weeks. I've learned
what it is to be dismissed,
undervalued, disrespected and
patronized - simply because of
gender.
(ultra-sincere)
I suppose it took coming face to
face with my own backward
chauvinism to make me realize how
terribly wrong *any* form of sexism
is. I'm a new man. I really am.
PULL BACK TO SEE
that Arturo is standing on a beautiful beach, holding a tray, skinny white legs sticking out of rolled up trousers, an ARTURO FOR MAYOR button still pinned to his lapel.
ANGLE TO INCLUDE WADE
who is lying on the beach before him, finishing a drink.
WADE
Nice try Professor. I'm glad to
see how enlightened you've become,
but a bet's a bet and I'm still
thirsty.
(giggles happily)
Refill, if you please!
Arturo mutters unmentionalbe things under his breath, takes the empty glass from her, and trudges up the sand.
He passes QUINN AND REMBRANDT
sitting under a beach umbrella, laughing at his plight.
ARTURO
How much longer before we slide?
QUINN
(wincing)
Nine days, five hours, and
thirty two minutes.
Arturo grimaces, keeps going.
Rembrandt turns to Quinn...
REMBRANDT
So, tell me the truth... You vote
for him?
Quinn pauses, then shakes his head.
REMBRANDT
Me neither.
They howl with laughter and clink tropical glasses as we...
FADE OUT
END OF ACT FOUR
THE END
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